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Location: Portland, Oregon

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Sunday, July 24, 2005


Over on Mark Maness's blog, he is in a list-making mood. He has now provided two long lists regarding himself, and it makes me want to do something along the same lines, though I'm a little tired of talking about myself, so here are some items drawn at random, from observation.

Selected Track Titles From "Best of Friends", by The Smurfs, ca. early '80's:

1.Smurfing All Around The World
2.Follow My Smurf
3.The Best Smurf of All
4.If You Come To Smurfing Land
5.Dance With The Reggae Smurf
6.Smurf Rodeo
7.Sleep Until The Brand New Day
(I suspect that last one is more for the parents than the kids. Feel free to interpolate possible replacements for the word 'Smurf' in any of the above, of course.)

These Are Names of Actual Gas Stations.

2.Food Chief
3.Freedom Value Center
5.Grease Monkey
7.Kum n' Go
8.Kwik Trip
9.Lil' Champ
12.Smoker's Express
(I realize to my readers in other parts of The States that you probably get your gas at any number of these places and haven't found their name funny for years, but when I saw this list for the first time, I busted up.)

Very Long Song Titles By Actual Bands

1."What need have I for this, what need have I for that, I am dancing at the foot of my master all is bliss all is bliss"-Shakti, featuring John McLaughlin (27 words)
2."Several Species of small furry animals gathered together in a cave and grooving with a Pict"- Pink Floyd (16 words)
3."At Least the Native American people know how much they've been fucked over"-Chuck D. (13 words)
4."In Sarah, Mencken, Christ and Beethoven there were women and men"-Tortoise (11 words, with points added for mentioning H.L. Mencken)
5."The Venerable Song (The Meaning of Which is no longer known)"-Sun City Girls (11 words)
6."A small package of Value will come to you, shortly"-Jefferson Airplane (10 words)
7."Ain't Gonna Bump No More with no Big Fat Women"-Joe Tex (10 words)
8."As the world dies, the eyes of God grow bigger"-Sebadoh (10 words)
9."Get outta that spaceship and fight like a man"- The Grifters (9 words)
10."Nowadays Clancy Can't Even Dance"- Buffalo Springfield (only 5 words, but feel like so much more when spoken)

Ideas For Bumper Stickers I Have Had:

1.Stop That (white letters on red backgound)
2.Quit Thinking About Bumper Stickers
3.They Cheat and They Lie (for folks of all ideological persuasions!)
4.Appreciate It
5.Notice How You Can't Stop?
6.The Clock Lies
7.This Is The Way Home. Be Careful.

Recurring Phrases in Rock n' Roll Songs which sound Ominous when Spoken

1.Can't Live Without You.
2.Can't Get Enough of Your Love.
3.Keep on Rockin' Me.
4.Tonight, I'm Gonna Rock You.
5.Cancha' hear Me Callin'?
6.What About that Diamond Ring?
7.(Anything talking about how neat it is that it's Summer, or Saturday Night.)

Place Names In the North Cascades

1.Mt. Terror
2.Mt. Fury
3.Forbidden Peak
4.Mixup Peak
5.Mt. Torment
6.Sinister Peak
7.Mt. Forbidden
8.Hurry Up Peak
9.Dumbbell Mtn.
10.Frosty Pass
11.Foggy Pass
12.Rainy Pass
13.Doubtful Lake

1a.Perfect Pass
2a.Easy Peak
3a.Magic Mtn.
4a.Mt. Colonel Bob

Strange, Disquieting Names Of Portland Law Firms

1.Hagen & Dye
2.Bodyfelt, Mount & Stroup
3.Lane Powell Spears Lubersky
4.Ransom, Blackman & Maxfield
5.Black Helterline

Oh, and there's so many more. Some very, very long ("Possible Responses to the Bumper Sticker; 'Jesus Was A Liberal'."), some only one item ("The Only Conclusion I've Reached After A Thorough Study of History"-'It has never been fun to be poor'.). In other cases, it's too damn tough. My top ten favorite songs? Couldn't do it, except that I know that "In the Shadow of Clinch Mountain" by The Carter Family has been sitting at number one for the last eleven years. My list of favorite albums is arranged more like the Periodic Table of the Elements.
But anyway, here's some of the things that crowd my mind, when perhaps I coulda/shoulda/woulda been thinking of other topics.



Blogger Erudite Redneck said...

I got one thing to say.

Toot 'N Totem

Gas stations in the Texas Panhandle.

5:12 PM  
Blogger rich bachelor said...

Thank you. Keep m' comin'.

5:49 PM  
Blogger Christopher Trottier said...

"Smurfing around the Words" is indeed an awesome song.

6:31 PM  
Blogger Tinka said...

Woot! Lists! Entirely good - 'cept most of mine consist of what I have to do today. So my lists are boring. But yours are amusing. ^^

6:44 PM  
Blogger PapaCool said...

Did you see... notes that the Smurf are making a return with a movie in 2008! Get the Smurf jokes ready! And more lists...

9:31 AM  
Blogger Erudite Redneck said...

Then, of course, there is the unfortunately named tire company, "Kumho."

I read where they've recently introduced a new "three-ribbed" tire of some sort.

5:55 PM  

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