44 Lines about 88 Topics?
But consider that you can use any manner of lenses to look at a thing.
1. Do you like bleu cheese? Yes.
2. Have you ever been drunk? Sure.
3. Do you own a gun? Yup.
4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite? The powdered form of Nestea iced tea.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not generally.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I believe that to love a hot dog is to love yourself!
7. Favorite Christmas movie? 'It's A Wonderful Life'.
8. What do you like to drink in the morning? Coffee. Lots of it.
9. Can you do push-ups? Many!
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Don't wear any.
11. Favorite hobby? Now this one raises questions. What's a hobby, as opposed to something you regularly do and enjoy, but not necessarily with some sort of intent, or for that matter, what if your job is also kind of your hobby? Does 'socializing' count?
12. Do you have ADD? Nope.
13. What's your favorite shoe? Not sure I have one.
14. What's your middle name? Adventure.
15. Name three thoughts at this exact moment. Frank, Mart-Bell and The Amazing Dynamo.
16. Name three drinks that you regularly drink. Maker's rocks & a glass o' water, A Grape Soda (actually Monopolova vodka with soda water and a floater of Marie Brizzard Parfait Amour), an Arnie Palmer (Jack Daniels' optional).
17. Current worry? I work in an industry where I could be killed, crippled or catastrophically brain-damaged at any time. I need to work in a clear space, mentally. Or, as I put it recently, somewhere else and on entirely another topic:
"And then they all died..." is the real punchline to every joke. But y'know, only a fucking tool meditates on it too long. I'm also very likely to get old, and my body will cease to function as masterfully as it currently does. That would be my reward for Not Dying. Call it what you will; dark cauldron o' shadows or whatever. Enjoy your freakin' life, jack.
18. Current hate right now? Aw man, I'm too much of a zen warrior about that shit. 'There is no enemy'. Well, yes there is...The tyranny of the mediocre? How hard it is to communicate even basic things to most people? How expertise is looked upon as a bit too effete, and is to be replaced by shouted, repeated Opinion?
19. Favorite vacation? Dreams.
20. How did you bring in the new year? Arguing with my girlfriend. I'm a class act.
(Stop. Did you just start talking about death? What did anyone else on that message board say?
"...saying that 'only a tool meditates on it too long' makes all of the great majority of great artists in the world into tools. Though, those who mediate on it on message boards are probably guilty of this, i.e. me, but I see that we have become a society so shallow, that thinks everything can be cured by technology, will have a lot of trouble getting old."
To which I replied:
"Well, in all honesty, art to one side, perhaps most of the artists in history were indeed a royal pain in the ass to actually be around...
Also, I agree: the main concern of any media orgasm like this has a great deal more to do with the individual need to see one's self as unique, and oh what a tragedy it will be when a soul such as your own passes from this plane.
After which we have religion, which generally promises that your soul will continue, and one so unimpeachably wonderful as yourself can live Forever!
I actually wasn't being dismissive with that 'tool' thing: be honest with yourself about your mortality -how could you not?- but remember that there's plenty of other things you can do between your birth and your death: that's all."
Can you tell? We were talking about Michael Jackson!)
21. Where would you like to go? The past.
22. Name three people who will complete this. Probably nobody I know in the immediate vicinity. They're pretty stupid questions, and so far I can't think of any better substitutes. If I do, I'll start an internet meme, I guess.
23. Do you own slippers? So far, I've been stymied in my attempts to find slippers that I actually like. Generally, it's garden clogs for me.
24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? Black, as is often the case.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? What are you asking?
26. Can you whistle? Like a champ.
27. Favorite color? As a rule, blue.
28. Would you like to be a pirate? Why? You recruiting?
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Oddly, the shower is one of the few places I don't sing. These days, if I'm singing out loud, it's "The Porpoise Song" by The Monkees.
30. What's your favorite girl's name? Osa!
31. Favorite boys' name? Don't have one, really. Archibald!
32. What's in your pocket right now? Keys. Impressed?
33. Last thing that made you laugh? I laugh so goddamn much every day, I don't even know where to begin.
Actually, this comment thread about the death of Billy Mays:
Whoever delivers the eulogy at his funeral should SHOUT THE ENTIRE THING!
LET US PRAY. AND THEN LET US WIPE OUR EYES WITH A SHAM-WOW.
I HAVE HAD CAUSE TO WALK IN YOUR WORLD AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND! I SHALL LET THE PAST BE THE PAST, AND FOR YOU BILLY MAYS, YOU KNEW THAT THE COMBINATION OF THE OXICLEAN AND THE MIGHTY PUTTY, WAS SOMETHING MORE DEADLY THAN WE COULD IMAGINE!
He had apparently just signed on to shill for Taco Bell. I can't even imagine what that would have been like.
YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH WHEN WE'RE CELEBRATING THE LIFE OF BILLY MAYS!
IT GETS INTO THE MATTING!
IT GETS INTO THE PADDING!
IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET!
THERE'S YER MILDEW!
THIS BURRITO IS PACKED WITH CHEESE AND BEEF! YOU'D NEED A JACKHAMMER TO POUND IN MORE BEEF AND CHEESE!
(All of those lines were delivered by different people. Isn't the internet wonderful?)
34. Best bed sheets as a child? Pass.
35. Worst injury you ever had as a child? Oh my: um, either the one time when I was running down a hill with a rusty tailpipe in my hand, and narrowly avoided plunging it in my eye but did smack myself in the eyebrow, requiring eight stitches, or the time when me and a couple guys were playing "chicken" with a lawn dart, and I got darted in my right shoulder. I have faint scars from both of these injuries to this day.
36. Do you love where you live? Portland? Yeaaahhh...Most days. Our house? Sure, I suppose. The corn was well beyond knee-high by the Fourth of July though, in our back yard. I do love the back yard.
37. Don't you just WISH you knew... what made people tick? I don't understand that ellipsis...It might be a transcription error. In any case, through a lifetime of observation and experience, I know pretty fucking well what makes most people tick. The problem comes in how exactly you go about dealing with them, and how honest you can be about the source of their problems.
I mean, some people (okay; lots of them) are pests of the worst sort, and oddly enough, it's because they wish to be relevant in the lives of others. Now, would my telling them that help in any way? Certainly not; and it's hard enough to talk to a pest at all and keep it short: if they feel that you've insulted them in some way, you'll be standing there two hours from now, trying to soothe their hurt feelings. No: tell them how much they're alienating everybody else. That'll get it done.
38. Who is your loudest friend? Oh you, The Internet.
39. How many dogs do you have? Two. Here they are:
From left: Goofus, Gallant.
40. Does someone have a crush on you? If so, I am unaware of it.
41. What is your favorite book? Good God. Do you know me? If I start talking about this, we'll be here all day. A better question for me would be;
What books do you wish you had enough money to buy right now?
There's a new translation of Herotodus' The Histories that looks awesome. Also; I just found out that Robert Graves wrote his own version of The Iliad, and it's called The (anger? fury?) of Achilles. Oh my gaahhhd.
42. What is your favorite candy? Hm. Dunno. Salty caramels from Pix?
43. Favorite sports team? Don't have one.
44. What song do you want played at your funeral? Sheeit. If you know me at all, you know we'll be talking about this all day. However, somebody does need to remember to play "Across the River" by the High Llamas.
Write on o' yer own?
45. Sweet or Savory?
Labels: my personals