please stop tickling me

In which we laugh and laugh and laugh. And love. And drink.

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Location: Portland, Oregon

Otium cum Dignitatae

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Occupied with what Other People are Occupied with, and Vice Versa

Despite the fact that the title is a line from a Built To Spill song, it also serves as a pretty good definition of 'journalism', don't you think?
The Bee and I spend a bit too much time, here in our exile on Killin' Street, looking at stupid shit on the internet. But it's great too, I suppose, since each and every morning we examine what's what with the media, and the world. Since neither of us have anywhere to go on most days, this means we get to watch stories develop from tiny shoots to massive saplings.

But that's not what's important. I've mentioned before the special hell that is the 'Living' section of our local paper, and how I just can't think of where else one would ever see the following headlines:
Coffee Tables Are Able Tables (tha winnah!)
Sunglasses Have It Made In The Shade (not only not News, but deeply retarded)
BAAA-UTIFUL! Speedy Shawls
Frisbee, 50, Still Makes Disc-iples

Yep, all that and "Ask Amy" too. It's great. But one must remember: these are the minds that brought you abortions like the word 'Brangelina', and for that matter, the notion that a book by the widow of a journalist killed in Afghanistan should then be made into a movie that largely celebrates not only how wonderful said widow is, but also how wonderful Angelina Jolie is for being in the movie treatment thereof.
Woof. That was quite the sentence. But really; even the whole 'The News Has Gone To Hell' story has now become boring. I see increasing amounts of media figures writing that particular screed, and while it has the virtue of being true, I must, as always, Blame The Parents, which is to say: And whose fault would that be, you fucking whiners?

I like Dum Nooz (patent pending) as much as anyone: I get my news from Wonkette and Slate, pretty much, with the BBC running a diiiistant third. And the Mayor Beaver blog (Okay; Blogtown PDX is what it is, and has always been called): I don't really get news as such, I get gossip and infighting. Do I join in? Yes, yes I do.
It's not like I'm protesting much here: whenever journalists start talking about Public Service, I always narrow my eyes. And this too: that perhaps this is just the reasonably expected happening. The English language is mutating further and further into what appears to be slang, so goes the Fourth Estate, yeah? The industry that uses Language and Perception as their main means of production start to mirror the minds of their customers?
Much like 'Fourthmeal' at Taco Bell isn't an indication of hunger; it's evidence that you're drunk, but it's hard to delineate that in the moment.

Then there's the fact that a small cottage industry has sprung up around our very worst comic strips. It's not enough, for instance, that "For Better or For Worse" is inarguably terrible and mostly serves as a roadmap for Lynn Johnston's increasing neurosis, but the fact that exactly how horrible and why is debated extensively on The Comics Curmudgeon, and there are several blogs devoted specifically to it.
It's wonderful. It's stupid. We all apparently have a lot of time on our hands.

Not sure what I'm talking about, really. Blogging is stupid, and more and more people seem to be doing it, which is leading to a sort of Gresham's Law effect where less and less people are reading the damn things.
I certainly get less random traffic from people around the world than I once did, but that could be a lot of things: I often go long periods without writing anything in this space because while most people use these things as online diaries, I only sometimes view that as a good idea. So if I don't have some larger point to make, I try to avoid the diarizing.
So I guess I'm writing something to keep the mind limber, and the Saturday NYT crossword is only reminding me how hungover I am.

Tonight: the first meeting of The Golden HoAxe Committee! News to follow.



Blogger Junk Thief said...

I think puns in headlines should be outlawed. I love my cat but hate headlines that use "purr-fect". That's purr-fucked-up, in my book.

Ain't it wild where blog traffic comes from? Another universe I sometimes think. I was huge in China about six months then lost my fan base. I especially love those that leave the comments "Great site, but I didn't exactly find what I was looking for. You might want to check out this site where you can find Viagra for..." Then there are the MySpace friend ads from Amber, Bambi, etc.

Oh, gosh, now you're probably going to delete this message!

2:53 PM  
Blogger rich bachelor said...

Funny you bring it up. Not that I want you to search the many years of archives here (but Please: Read All of My Work, won't you? Please?), but before I 'ennabled comment moderation' (or "put in the drunk catcher"), I received tons of wonderful spam here.

I actively pursued them back to their spaces, and called them horrible names, encouraged others to flame their sorry asses, flagged them, etc.

Actually; let's see if I can find it here...Ah yes: 'Tim' said...
"Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

I have a chemical hth pool swimming site. It pretty much covers
##KEYWORD## related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)chemical hth pool swimming"

And I said:
"Hey Tim! That's a great name you have there! I'm definitely going to kill you!

And that was hardly the worst one.

3:15 PM  
Blogger rich bachelor said...

Oh Christ. Just found it:
'Sam Freedom' said;
"That's ok, my friend. Be free. For this to be a family blog, you would need visitors first. So share your darker nature with impunity."

To which I said;
"Everybody? This is Sam, and he spammed my brother's blog yesterday. He actually, unlike most of them, had a comment feature on his pyramid scheme site, so I told him to leave the rest of us alone and ditch the gay porn pic.
Sam, Everybody."

He was wearing a singlet and pumpin' iron, dude. Also unlike most 'blogs' of his ilk, his was actually written by a person, rather than something that just hit certain key words over and over, usually producing unintentional poetry such as:
"septic tanks cheap septic tanks made specific to homesite septic tanks septic tanks"

3:55 PM  
Blogger David Rochester said...

You've reminded me why I start to froth at the mouth whenever a salesperson from "The Wherever We Both Happen to Live-nian" calls me up and tries to sell me a subscription. *shudder*

I preferred Ann and Abby to Amy -- they were so out of touch with reality that their advice was actually entertaining.

6:21 PM  
Blogger Junk Thief said...

Oh, gosh Rich. Actually my name is Amber, and I just luv ur profile. I'm going to be in ur city soon, and I wondered if I could lower both your pants and your mortgage rates to as low as .028%. Can't get it up that high? Well I also have some generic Viagra that I'd luv to

Anyone that says "lol" is immediately put on my spam list. Amber Alert! Amber Alert! (Actually I always thought that should be a drag queen's name.)

7:24 PM  

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