please stop tickling me

In which we laugh and laugh and laugh. And love. And drink.

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Location: Portland, Oregon

Otium cum Dignitatae

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Mayor Beaver, R.I.P.

Oh goddamn it. I promised myself I wouldn't do this. But I never thought the Beaver administration (fraught with scandal as it was) would end this way.
I mean, just look at him up there. He's just so damn proud of his...Big golden key and sash. The Portland Mercury has kicked him to the curb, to make room for more ad space or some such damn thing, on its blog feature. It used to give me so much goddamn joy to look at him, every time I went there. He/she will be missed.

But hey? While I was over there (listed under 'Our Enemies'), I found MenWhoLookLikeKennyRogers.com. This is strange, because I was just talking about Kenny last evening.
Or rather, about Kenny Roger's Roasters (tm), and how Kenny himself was asked to leave the board of directors, in a company that boasts his name, as well as a logo that includes his face. I forget what their problem with him was, but that's not what's important.
One night while driving cab, I pulled up to a Kenny's in Lacey, Washington (on Sleater-Kinney road. I wonder if it's still there). My fare turned out to be a Kenny Rogers lookalike.
Trying not to be overcome with the serious rift in reality itself I'd clearly stumbled into, I looked at this...This Kenny and smiled enthusiastically.

He was onto me in a hot second. "I'm not him." he sorta barked. "You've probably never heard of me. I'm Johnny Tillotson."
OH MAN! JOHNNY TILLOTSON IN MY CAB!, I did not scream, but it pleased him that I'd actually heard of him. He's a minor rock star from the Fifties, and the only reason I knew his name was that I'm sort of a music trivia nerd, and have long held a secret, perverse love for the name 'Tillotson'.

But what was he doing there? Performing as himself? Shaking hands and pretending toward Kenny-ness? Eating some wings? I never found out. I sort of tried to stay out of my customer's lives, though that didn't always work, due to the nature of who generally rides in cabs.

Went over to EO this weekend, as I threatened to do. Since they don't answer the phone so much out at the farmhouse, I was unclear on where the She Bear was. After one phone call though, a chain-reaction was set off, all along the phone tree, and before long I was talking to her.
It was the week of her prom, and this meant that she was going to be embroiled in furious activity all weekend long. So we took her out to dinner, then she and I had some brief alone-time at the one good coffee shop in Pendleton.
The rest of the weekend was spent up in the Blue Mountains, or in Walla Walla. You know, it's always a mind-fuck going home, and this time my observation was that it seems even more of the populace over there is stupid, perhaps from birth.
Eastern Oregon is a remarkably unhealthy place to grow up, what with acid rain from the coal fired power plant, nuclear waste in the groundwater from Hanford, and nerve gas being incinerated on a daily basis at the Umatilla Army Depot. You drink the poison in your milk, eat it in your steak and vegetables.

And am I dreaming, just being sentimental when I say that once upon a time there was actually culture of some sort there? Probably. I do know a lot of things that went on that never got reported in the papers, and left me with the overwhelming impression that small town life is quietly evil, at all times.
Our social worker friend with the kepi from the last post seemed to say that the preponderance of child abuse comes from so much of our society being comprised of neighbors who don't talk to other neighbors, and that's why places like my hometown are actually ideal. I don't know why I didn't say; Are you so naive that you think that those rednecks fucks don't molest their children? I mean, everybody knows everybody elses' business, and yet somehow that makes keeping the secrets easier, paradoxically. There is no solution, until somebody talks, anyway.

No clear thoughts this eve. Still too busted up about the beaver. I'll be back, though.

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8 Comments:

Blogger disco boy said...

sorry about the beav, man.

funny, innit... how i was raised in the city suburbs to believe that everything tasted better when culled from a neighboring farm, how the air was cleaner on the other side of the cascades where it wasn't socked in between the ocean breeze and the gorge winds, and how you could get down and drink from any tributary over there. sure, it was true at some point, but by the time we were alive, it'd all been shat in.

i used to have great video of some fool friends of mine jumping from the "flumes", an irrigation ditch/river that dumped out into a large reservior. less than a mile away, the hanford site sat dormant in the sunset, seeping it's ooze.

yeah, it's oregon, the most beautiful place in america.

11:55 AM  
Blogger Erudite Redneck said...

you mean there are kenny rogers-themed restaurants? whoa.

6:57 PM  
Blogger George Popham said...

This one still confuses me. The intense urban centralization model is killing us, and a network of smallish towns is, in theory, a far preferable structure for our country, BUT, I have to confess the small town folk do horrify me more often than not. There are many many exceptions to this. A decentralized network of local economies is, as far as I can tell, the way to best manage our resources, but, damn the hick attitude is bloody vicious.

However, i still have this wild notion, based on a two month stay in Canada that things there are different. And on the one occasion I drifted down south to Montanta I was immediately fucked with by local cops who did not like the look of that hippy fag volvo.

In Canada guys in cowboy hats at the local drive in asked politely how I liked the car how many cylinders it had, how it dorve on snow, etc. It just felt different, there was just not the same amount of truculent menace in teh air. They looked for all the world like cowboys, but I never once feared for my life.

I wonder if this is just an american thing?

6:19 PM  
Blogger KOM said...

Jesus Christ, Bachelor. I'm gone (or was it you?) for a few months, and now I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

I will make every (lazy, inertia-overcoming) attempt to keep up. Glad to see the blog in action again.

Which I probably said last time I noticed that you were still around.

Jesus Christ, me.

1:23 AM  
Blogger rich bachelor said...

Well, I've been writing pretty steadily now for...A very long time. There was that period of a couple months that went without any comment from me, but I've been back (and presumably, mad) for a good long while now.

And yes, the subjects keep bleeding over from post to post. It's gotta be confusing if you're only over here occasionally. Well, take the ride, git th' prize, and thanks KOM for blogrolling me again.

7:52 AM  
Blogger George Popham said...

Hi again Rich, I just got a chance to finally read your previous post on the child abuse con. Great stuff. Ya' know Deb was working towards a masters in social work but just couldn't do it. We have speculated taht it is becaue the depressing nature o the job is just too crushing.

Lots of thoughts on the God stuff, I've got some entries on monotheism coming up. Just as an observcation I'd like to mention that I think Judaism pretty much sucked balls as a religion until the diaspora gave rise to the rabbinic tradition, which is where all the juice is. When you take the statecraft out of just about any religion, said religion has really no chioce but to become more reflective, compassionate and well, more like a religion. Show me a religion with political power and I'll show you a lot of more or less nihilistic murder. Judaism lost all political power and, surprise, the religion suddenly got a whole lot more tolerant of the ambiguities.

Anyhow I'd like to say more but I have the dreaded German reading proficiency exam tomorrow, achtung!

10:53 AM  
Blogger JACQ said...

Damn. I almost thought that was Punxsutawney Phil for a minute there. Holy Shit!!!

1:38 PM  
Blogger Junk Thief said...

I've always been fascinated by entertainer themed restaurants -- Roy Rogers, Minnie Pearl's Chicken (not sure Popeye's counts). I'd love to see a web shrine listing all of them. Now that punk rock has been around for 30 years, I'd love to see the Sex Pistols Popsicles, the Ramones' Meat and Bun Shops, etc., etc.

9:00 AM  

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