please stop tickling me

In which we laugh and laugh and laugh. And love. And drink.

My Photo
Location: Portland, Oregon

Otium cum Dignitatae

Saturday, December 26, 2009

The Blurst of Times?

"It has been said many times and in many ways that what the world needs now is another rock n' roll band."- the first line of the (uncredited) liner notes to Steely Dan's first album, "Can't Buy A Thrill" (1972)

In the interest of agglomerating all the things that get gathered in lists at the end of years, and especially decades, here's a list of what actually turns out to be the top 37 things of this rotten decade. Wonkette nails it, I think, especially; "Al Franken not only beat that fucking slimeball Norm Coleman, but finally compensated America for that long dull Lizard-People recount by making Joe Lieberman cry in the Senate." Yes.

It's nice that we're all so sadly in agreement on this one. We all agree that the Aughts sucked, including our inability to give them a decent title. While you'll see plenty of 'best of' lists, the 'worst of' lists are, as always, way more amusing.
And just to say it here, as far as all the things that happened that were good, I've already given plenty of thanks elsewhere. You know who you are. And this isn't the forum. Hell, I'm not even necessarily talking about the decade; I'm just talking about shit that annoys and disgusts me, which is more or less why everybody blogs, at one point or another.

Okay, so there's this...Um, some background: Bill Mack is someone I hadn't previously heard of, ere I came to know the wonder that is the Willie station on satellite radio. He had a career in early rockabilly, and is a country recording artist of some acclaim...He wrote "Blue", which was a hit for a young Le Anne Rimes...And -OH JE-SUS! DID YOU GO LOOK AT THAT EVIL FUCKING SONG YET?

Bill has -and I'm eternally sorry that I can't find an mp3 of this somewhere that you don't have to pay for: I've been looking for a month- a voice that is so flat as to be monotonous. He spends loads of his time on air thanking various D-List country stars that are currently plowing the fields of Christian Show Biz for making such a big difference in everyone's lives, and; "I love ya', pal!" This is all said with the same amount of emotion as the standardized FCC text that you read after the emergency broadcast signal is tested.

This is also the case with "God, Jesus & Me". Bill talk-sings his way through it to the strains of everything that is bad and maudlin about the country music there. One of the things that makes country so compelling when it works is how rooted in tradition it is. You feel like you're part of something that is at least on the road to being eternal. On the other hand, it's caused decades and generations of cheap little bastards to flock to it, knowing that they don't really have to try very hard. It leads to the kind of lazy marketing that gives rise to things like Mysticallie, The People's Horse.

And while "The angels are so cool" is an awful lyric, especially said in a flat, affectless tone by an old hack...When I didn't know the actual title of this song, and thought that it was "A Child's Letter from Heaven", what I found instead was something much worse: a similar poem titled "An Aborted Baby's Letter from Heaven". You know, I think I'll let you go find that one yourself, if you feel like looking at it.

The point is, I think I may have found the worst song of the Aughts. It takes its place alongside the worst Christmas song, which may be found here:

Ah, we're not done here. Tomorrow: my favorite internet argument of the past year.



Post a Comment

<< Home