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Wednesday, July 08, 2009

No Time Is A Good Time For Sarah

The day before Sarah Palin resigned -or whatever that really was- Jonah Goldberg wrote a column more or less telling her to shut up.


Dear Governor Palin,

You’re blowing it.

Hm. Gee, but you seemed to like her so much. What could possibly...

There’s a reason why the Left and much of the media establishment hated you from day one. Some hated you out of the fear that you might stop Barack Obama’s unfolding coronation. Others because you seemed to expose the snobbery, arrogance, and ideological pieties of elite feminism. Your beauty, your status as a working mom, your blue-collar husband, your bravery in taking on the political establishment in Alaska, your proud status as a pro-lifer and mother of a special-needs child: All of these things were — and are — deeply threatening to a secular left-wing cultural elite.

Although your being an idiot, on the other hand: that we found helpful.

He then points out that she has become a laughingstock (all one word, by the way, which I'm pretty sure it isn't), and even though she has a large appeal to the base...People like Jonah can see how 'the base' is fucking the Republican party.

Having said that, he really, really likes her, but...

...peddling a few platitudes and truisms about free markets and limited government is no substitute for really knowing what you’re talking about. Yes, you can talk well about the stuff you know — oil drilling, energy, etc. — but beyond your comfort zone, you fall back on bumper-sticker language that sounds fine to the people who already agree with you but is useless in winning over skeptics.

But he is forced to admit that she really has no business holding elected office. Yes, Republicans: these are your deeper thinkers, and the kind of candidates they dream up.

Then again, this is from National Review Online, which thinks that this is an example of advertising that will really bring in the dollars:

("Catch The Burning Flag"? Who the fuck allowed that one to see the light of day?)

So, all she ever had was charm and charisma. They all admit it now. And as it happens, even the ol' c&c is getting a bit stale, as she seems increasingly charmless, charisma-neutral.

And whiny. Hey, speaking of whiny,

President Bush had the same problem you do, which is why there’s a hunger for Republicans who can effectively articulate and sell our policies and philosophy. That’s why the wonks have the upper hand. Mitt Romney, Indiana governor Mitch Daniels, Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal, and other hands-on types are what the party wants and, frankly, needs.

Wow. Bobby Jindal as an example of 'articulate'. Amazing. And yes please Republicans: please let Things-That-Should-Not-Be like Mitt Romney try to explain things to people. Our national comedy hour is always the richer for it.

So here’s my advice. Stay home and do your job and your homework. You’ll still be a national figure come the primaries. But if you can’t surprise your detractors with your grasp of policy when you re-emerge on the national stage, you won’t win the nomination. More important, you won’t deserve to.

And the next day, she quit.

I am unaware of how to pronounce Ross Douthat's name. I'm thinking our options here are 'do whut?' or 'douche-hat', and I'm goin' with the second one. Try n' stop me.
Anyway, he's one of those people who is for some reason still trying to make me like Sarah Palin. And uh...

I'M SORRY! I JUST CAN'T QUIT LAUGHING AT THAT FUCKING PICTURE! I mean, look at the guy! The look of deep insecurity that has morphed over the years into automatic defensiveness! The soulful, probing "serious" look! The neck beard ? The jokes write themselves!

So anyway, he...ARE YOU TRYING TO FUCKING KILL ME? JE-SUS! KNOCK IT OFF! He would like you to know that you really, really owe Sarah an apology.

Had she refused John McCain, Palin would still be a popular female governor in a Republican Party starved for future stars. Her scandals would be the stuff of local politics, her daughter’s pregnancy a minor story in the Lower 48, her son Trig’s parentage a nonissue even for conspiracy theorists. There would still be plenty of time to ease into the national spotlight, to bone up on the issues, and to craft a persona more appealing than the Mrs. Spiro Agnew role the McCain campaign assigned to her.

Well hey Ross: if you're going to go that far, why don't you add 'and the Republican party would have done a better job finding someone who is actually qualified'?
And what's your problem with Judy Agnew? I'm askin'.

A Sarah Palin who stepped down for the sake of her family and her media-swarmed state deserves sympathy even from the millions of Americans who despise her. A Sarah Palin who resigned in the delusional belief that it would give her a better shot at the presidency in 2012 warrants no such kindness.

I had a Sarah Palin once. Turns out I was allergic, and had to get rid of it. Anyway, no I don't really have to have any sympathy for someone who consciously sought the spotlight, and yes, used her family as human shields at every opportunity. So what else ya' got, Douchehat?

In a recent Pew poll, 44 percent of Americans regarded Palin unfavorably. But slightly more had a favorable impression of her. That number included 46 percent of independents, and 48 percent of Americans without a college education.

That last statistic is a crucial one.

Yes; the stupid have been tragically underrepresented up to now. Wait; I don't have a college education...

Palin’s popularity has as much to do with class as it does with ideology. In this sense, she really is the perfect foil for Barack Obama. Our president represents the meritocratic ideal — that anyone, from any background, can grow up to attend Columbia and Harvard Law School and become a great American success story. But Sarah Palin represents the democratic ideal — that anyone can grow up to be a great success story without graduating from Columbia and Harvard.

"And then do absolutely nothing substantive beyond there..." Besides: merit's bad now? In what way could she be considered a success story?

With her missteps, scandals, dreadful interviews and self-pitying monologues, she’s botched an essential democratic role — the ordinary citizen who takes on the elites, the up-by-your-bootstraps role embodied by politicians from Andrew Jackson down to Harry Truman.

Those are damn fine comparisons, actually: a nutsack redneck who is remembered as the author of the Trail of Tears, and a crooked machine politician who grew up to sell all our asses to the National Security Administration.

Here are lessons of the Sarah Palin experience, for any aspiring politician who shares her background and her sex. Your children will go through the tabloid wringer. Your religion will be mocked and misrepresented. Your political record will be distorted, to better parody your family and your faith. (And no, gentle reader, Palin did not insist on abstinence-only sex education, slash funds for special-needs children or inject creationism into public schools.)

Oh. Science! I need to do a little research maybe, but I'm not at all comfortable with a quick, categorical denial like that.
And again: she forced said family into the spotlight, and when we all failed to love her for doing so, reacted with a sharp whine about how mean we all were. Fuck that. Grow up.

Sarah Palin is beloved by millions because her rise suggested, however temporarily, that the old American aphorism about how anyone can grow up to be president might actually be true.

That 'anyone' can is indeed inspiring. That 'someone who doesn't have a fucking clue' can is terrifying.

Stop that!

Now we hear the plaintive harmonica from Starship's "Sara", and their disappointed observation that "no time is a good time for goodbye". But also, toward the end of the song, how -due to a lyrical conceit given in a round- they seem to suggest that "no time is a good time for Sa-ra...Sa-a-a-ara!"

Well, no shit. I coulda told you that ten months ago.



Blogger Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

I'd been hearing that Starship song in my head through all of this Palin nonsense too. I'm trying to figure how "We Built This City" is going to fit in with some other wacko right winger. Bad, old Starship songs are finally finding their usefulness.

6:01 PM  

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