Requiem For A Pickup Truck
Daddy Frank, my 1987 Mazda B2000, has been sold to an auto scrapper, for the insulting sum of $180.00 USD. The damn thing saw me through far more miles than I ever figured it would, sporting a hood only barely held down by a motorcycle strap (which acted as a sort of unhelpful sail in heavy wind conditions) and one windshield wiper, which functioned only intermittently. The lift gate, in recent months, also chose to stop working.
In his place (my cars, unlike most vessels, are always male, for some reason) is a 1994 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo. What it lacks in character, it makes up for in superior safety and handling. We're struggling, around the house, trying to come up with a proper name for it.
I just called a neighborhood auto repair place that recently sent out a bunch of people selling what would seem to be thousands of dollars worth of vehicle maintenance for a one-time price of a mere $79.95. Bee purchased said book of coupons with a check, fully expecting to stop payment on the thing within days.
But it turns out it really was legit, even though the guy on the other end of the phone this afternoon saw fit to put serious doubt in my mind.
"How was he?" was the first question dude at the shop asked. I pointed out that I hadn't dealt with the service rep/poor schmuck workin' door to door: that had been my girlfriend's work.
"Did she call the office before she wrote the check?" No: she called after, and had confirmed that the offer was indeed genuine.
This sort of thing went on and on until he, just as strangely, busted up laughing and said, "I'm jus' grillin' ya', bro'."
Well yes, yes you are, for some reason, I thought, but said that he was right to ask. "Sounded like a scam to me, too."
And it is, but only in the classic sense of automotive repair. I brought in my car for a routine check, and tomorrow I'm gettin' the brakes done. "As it stands, it isn't safe to drive," said the nice man at the desk, who had just been grillin' me, the day before.
Hey: here's my favorite commercial of recent months:
I love the uneven power dynamic between the two dudes in suits. It is reminiscent of the Sesame Street animated short along the same lines with the tiny guy who sits atop the far larger guy, screaming, "TOP TOP TOPPPP!!!", while the one below keeps on glumly responding, "...bottom...", until inevitably he tops the top.
It is a well-worn comedic trope that the little guy actually runs the show. Witness how the tall guy is clueless on how to deal with the open weirdness of the ruse...Which the little guy completely stays with, even going so far as to 'end' the fictional conversation he is having, and then throws his phone to the floor. For that, he gets "twooo" pieces of Minty Sweet.
There are two other versions of this commercial, but this one is the best. I couldn't find that particular Sesame Street clip, though there's many others that are true classics. And of course: just go over to YouTube and type in 'top and bottom'. I dare ya'.
Something strange happened, too. Along with the friend of my ex-girlfriend who has a cookie making party each holiday season called "the cookie party", last year saw the release of one of the best albums so far of the Oughts: TV On The Radio's Return to Cookie Mountain.
Now, the girl who throws those parties has a slight speech impediment, so whenever she is waxing enthusiastic about her get-together, she gets all excited about "D' COOKIE POWTY!"
So...Late the other evening I'm kinda drunk and watching Sarah Silverman. And for a moment, I wondered if it was all some wonderful dream...
The only relevant part of this clip is the first fifteen seconds or so, but it's all pretty damn good:
I suppose that it's not that weird that this show would just happen to hit a note that I've been making jokes about for the last year or so: there's only so many comedic ideas. But still...
The host/ess is named "Miniature Coffee", by the way. "The Mustangs'" names are 'Stencil' and 'JoJo'. The cookie muppet-thing is named Ookie, but he looks like a Squeezle.
Oh, and what's that? Well, that's my favorite fictional animal. The way I envision it, it'd be six feet tall, covered with pink fur, with fangs and claws in the neighborhood of one and a half feet long.
It's also what Anthony Bourdain was told he would be receiving for lunch on the Vietnam episode of his latest show. He spends a good ten or fifteen minutes having no one around who is adequately conversant in English to explain what a Squeezle is, and is happily chowing down a thick, hearty stew, until he finds a sharp thing in it. It's a porcupine quill.
The Squeezle, it turns out, is what the rest of us call a 'porcupine'. I wish I had video of this, but that Travel Channel site is no help.
So name ideas for the truck include:
Cookie Party
Miniature Coffee
The Squeezle
Minty Sweet
And a number of others, having nothing to do with the above. Ah...Good to be writin' again.
In his place (my cars, unlike most vessels, are always male, for some reason) is a 1994 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo. What it lacks in character, it makes up for in superior safety and handling. We're struggling, around the house, trying to come up with a proper name for it.
I just called a neighborhood auto repair place that recently sent out a bunch of people selling what would seem to be thousands of dollars worth of vehicle maintenance for a one-time price of a mere $79.95. Bee purchased said book of coupons with a check, fully expecting to stop payment on the thing within days.
But it turns out it really was legit, even though the guy on the other end of the phone this afternoon saw fit to put serious doubt in my mind.
"How was he?" was the first question dude at the shop asked. I pointed out that I hadn't dealt with the service rep/poor schmuck workin' door to door: that had been my girlfriend's work.
"Did she call the office before she wrote the check?" No: she called after, and had confirmed that the offer was indeed genuine.
This sort of thing went on and on until he, just as strangely, busted up laughing and said, "I'm jus' grillin' ya', bro'."
Well yes, yes you are, for some reason, I thought, but said that he was right to ask. "Sounded like a scam to me, too."
And it is, but only in the classic sense of automotive repair. I brought in my car for a routine check, and tomorrow I'm gettin' the brakes done. "As it stands, it isn't safe to drive," said the nice man at the desk, who had just been grillin' me, the day before.
Hey: here's my favorite commercial of recent months:
I love the uneven power dynamic between the two dudes in suits. It is reminiscent of the Sesame Street animated short along the same lines with the tiny guy who sits atop the far larger guy, screaming, "TOP TOP TOPPPP!!!", while the one below keeps on glumly responding, "...bottom...", until inevitably he tops the top.
It is a well-worn comedic trope that the little guy actually runs the show. Witness how the tall guy is clueless on how to deal with the open weirdness of the ruse...Which the little guy completely stays with, even going so far as to 'end' the fictional conversation he is having, and then throws his phone to the floor. For that, he gets "twooo" pieces of Minty Sweet.
There are two other versions of this commercial, but this one is the best. I couldn't find that particular Sesame Street clip, though there's many others that are true classics. And of course: just go over to YouTube and type in 'top and bottom'. I dare ya'.
Something strange happened, too. Along with the friend of my ex-girlfriend who has a cookie making party each holiday season called "the cookie party", last year saw the release of one of the best albums so far of the Oughts: TV On The Radio's Return to Cookie Mountain.
Now, the girl who throws those parties has a slight speech impediment, so whenever she is waxing enthusiastic about her get-together, she gets all excited about "D' COOKIE POWTY!"
So...Late the other evening I'm kinda drunk and watching Sarah Silverman. And for a moment, I wondered if it was all some wonderful dream...
The only relevant part of this clip is the first fifteen seconds or so, but it's all pretty damn good:
I suppose that it's not that weird that this show would just happen to hit a note that I've been making jokes about for the last year or so: there's only so many comedic ideas. But still...
The host/ess is named "Miniature Coffee", by the way. "The Mustangs'" names are 'Stencil' and 'JoJo'. The cookie muppet-thing is named Ookie, but he looks like a Squeezle.
Oh, and what's that? Well, that's my favorite fictional animal. The way I envision it, it'd be six feet tall, covered with pink fur, with fangs and claws in the neighborhood of one and a half feet long.
It's also what Anthony Bourdain was told he would be receiving for lunch on the Vietnam episode of his latest show. He spends a good ten or fifteen minutes having no one around who is adequately conversant in English to explain what a Squeezle is, and is happily chowing down a thick, hearty stew, until he finds a sharp thing in it. It's a porcupine quill.
The Squeezle, it turns out, is what the rest of us call a 'porcupine'. I wish I had video of this, but that Travel Channel site is no help.
So name ideas for the truck include:
Cookie Party
Miniature Coffee
The Squeezle
Minty Sweet
And a number of others, having nothing to do with the above. Ah...Good to be writin' again.
Labels: my personals
posted by rich bachelor | 10:34 AM
2 Comments:
Too bad about the truck. I'd not seen that commercial, but, man I love it. That's the most Freudian, homoerotic thing since Montgomery Clift and John Ireland played with each others pistols in Red River. I completely relate to it. I'm 6'2" but am a complete push over for shorter guys and always fall for their ruse. They always have the upper hand in a certain part of the power dynamic, and I take joy in having them play it. I get a buzz just thinking about some shorty coming up to me and saying "Minty...sweet". Sure, pal, I'll give you two sticks.
Oh good. I was hoping you'd see that one. In one of the other versions, it starts with the little guy singing, "Miiin-ty sweeet...", somewhat in the tune of the song "Lazy Day", if anyone remembers that li'l gem.
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