please stop tickling me

In which we laugh and laugh and laugh. And love. And drink.

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Location: Portland, Oregon

Otium cum Dignitatae

Saturday, January 13, 2007

The Rundown!

A quick peek at the latest issue of The Merc gives a fine overview of what folks might be naming their bands these days. Let's categorize 'em!

Quite Good:
We Quit
Sauce Policy
The Snippet Birds
Good For Cows
Prize Country
Your Drugs My Money
Another Fine Crisis
The Online Romance
Whiskey Puppy
Childhood Friends
Straightedege Buddhist Strippers
Urban Sex Legends
So-Called Blues Band
Scientific Lifestyle
The American Black Lung
The Shipwreck Of Eddie King
The Real Doozies (who are playing with Suzy's Floozies [see below])

Not Bad, but only sorta Cuttin' It:
The Early November
The Sun The Sea
Swim Swam Swum
Bird Costumes
Centerline Tragedy
Me And Me
Dead Air Fresheners
Books Unburned
Grab The Camera

The Inexcusable (which, come to think of it, wouldn't make a bad band name):
Miss Defy
Disappear Fear (featuring Sonia!)
Chill Will
Untyd (or anything that is a commonly used word-but misspelled!)

You're Trying Too Hard:
Dragging An Ox Through Water
Chin Up Meriwether!
Nequaquam Vacuum
3/38 And An Eye
Blame The Sea
Come Back Maggie Auburn
Nodding Tree Remedies
Think Airbag
Wombstretcha The Magnificent
Almost Is Nothing
Keep The Fork There's Pie

You're Not Trying Hard Enough:
The Hermans
Anomalous Quintet
Suburban Slim
Wellswung Gypsies
Bugs Of Lightning
Holding Out
Suzy's Floozies
Devin Phillips' Funk Project

My suggestions:
Wise Cracking Sidekick (which was the name of a duo I was, briefly, in)
Third-Rate District Attorney ("Hey! Ya' goin' to the TRDA show tonight?")
Eighteenth Pale Descendant (if you're a Smiths cover band)
The Deeply Flawed
Hey Stupid
Sandwich Boy
The Boss Of You
The Frown Club
The Exact Opposite
The Spokespeople
The Antidisestablishmentarians
Quality Adult Themes
We Wanted So Much

Just got some weird news, gonna tell you what, next post.



Blogger Who, Me? said...

I kinda like "Tuesday Nite Follies" myself.

Those were pretty good. Hope you had a Happy New Year, and got drunk and stuff. heh

7:15 PM  
Blogger disco boy said...

lil' ralph wiggum's discovery upon entering the "adult" section of the video store: "everybody's hugging!"

3:31 PM  
Blogger Gringa Alta Prima said...

Ok, let's recategorize, shall we?

First of all, 'We Quit', 'Urban Sex Legends', and 'Straightedge Buddhist Strippers' are NOT good band names.

And secondly, (ok, well, where do I begin with secondly, none of these categories were as extensive as they should have been. But wait, who am I to complain? You're not writing the encyclopedia, and why should I expect you to?)

OK, but here are a few overlooks:

The “Inexcusable":

Brain Sic (scuse me?)
Evil Alien Costume
Dead Air Fresheners
Cotton Jenny
Deathsaw (I think I saw that movie)
Sugar Farm (apparently these have a tendency to explode)

The “You're Trying too Hard":

Atomic Housewives
Reverse Dotty and the Candy Cane Shivs
NoPoMoJo (please)
Vine Ripend (who?)

The “You're Not Trying Hard Enough":

Badsexmurder (yeah, I wanna see them)
Reedy 420 & The Bluntz (seen ‘em)
Downloader (original)
Among the Decayed (no comment)
Black Elk (not worth a comment)
Black Heart White Noise (ditto)
Ample Sample
Growth Spert
Electric Doormat
Jessica Something Jewish (yawn)
Attack Ships on Fire
Mourning Starr (He’s not even dead yet)
No Go Know
Sounds Like Fun (What are we playing? Slip-n-slide?)
The Mello Outs (The 420’s?)

The “You're-fucking-kidding-me-right?"

Cellar Door (Donnie Dorko)
Ether Circus ()
Hurtbird (and the Autobahn Society)
Johnny Yeast & the Infections (I’ve never even had a yeast infection and this still isn’t funny)
Killer Squirrel
Miss Anne Thrope (third rate prodigy)
Oregonized Savages (OK, I will dowse you in gasoline and light a match)
Yeti Love (oh, you think so?)
The Erotic Politicians (allright)
Titty (ugh)

the "Quite Good" category could go in so many directions, I don't know where to begin. I always liked those play-on-names bands, such as:

The Dandy Warhols (even if the band sucks)
Beyond Veronica

and especially :

The Winona Ryders

A few others include:

Johnny Punchclock
Bipolar Star
Kerosene Dream
Man of the Year (it was Hitler in 1938)
Oblivion Seekers (aren’t we all?)
Lushy (that too)
Aisle 3
Binary Dolls (ok, I’m a computer geek)
Slow Circus (yes, I know its cheesy)
The Wobblies (this one’s conditional, there had better be a good joke in it)

and finally, since I’ve rambling on for so long, there are certain things that can only be labeled as

The “I-m'not-even-sure":

Feral Children (Malachi?)
Hill Pig (even I don’t know)
Neutria (they scare the shit out of me)
Little Beirut (an obvious joke, yet I like it all the same)
On the first day.... They Were Kittens
Plaid Is Murder (so are ham sandwiches)
The Dead Americans (just don’t get sued by Jello Biafra)

So anyway Rich, I wasn’t trying to criticize your list, but I gotta thank you for some things. I never would have been inspired to such criticism myself had it not been for you.

And finally, Killer Squirrel????

8:55 PM  
Blogger rich bachelor said...

Johnny Punchclock, as I think you know, is Booshy from my old band. Still haven't seen them yet.
And: Kerosene Dream is a good name for you? Y'kiddin' me?

These were just the names I could immediately find in The Merc, and hardly represent the totality of what's out there. And yeah, my system of categorization has flaws.

Neutria? Shit, don't get me started...

4:14 AM  

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